Leaving..

i know you're doing well.. sorry for writing this update.. here i'm going to tell you the reason i'm being like this, not only for you but for the rest that curious about what's happen to us..i know you not care about me anymore and trying to forget me, just forget me.. even after reading this.. i just want you to know and leave me in a  good way not leave me because hate me.. do you think that i leave you because i'm not love you anymore? not care anymore? not, and it's never be like that.. just like she said.. just like her, i have never though about leaving you since the first day i meet you and all the promises is true and i meant it.. but.. what will you feel if you're in my side.. what will you feel is i changed just in a days? after meeting someone new, i'm changed? maybe it's just me, maybe i shouldn't think this way but did you forget all of our memories? all of our ways ? how's we used to be ? how we used to treat each other? i told you right? that i will be with you like before after my exam.. and i'm always smile for the though that you will make me smile with your crazy brain.. but when i comeback, i think it's better if i go.. i can't accept the way we are now because it's so suddenly.. after the decision, i'm starting live up my day with a though of you, with the tears.. when our past memories playing in my mind..i hate myself for doing this but i'm also pity toward my self whom suffered.. just like you feels before, 'like a younger sister' 'like a family' i too feels the same, you are like a older brother, a family, and a special friends for me.. yaya is my best friends, the one i cherish and like a family.. it's different and i love both of you.. it's not been a months, but it's a years now.. i will never forgive myself, and i will always feels regret to make this decision.. how can i leave people who make me smile for real, who changed my life, who make me forget the miss for my late-brother, who know me more than other people.. before, you trying to leave me but i'm always fight for it.. now, i knoe you're going to be okay even without me, you already has someonelse that you can share your problem with, that you love, that you feels comfortable.. i feels sad seeing you changed, you treat me just the same as your others girl friends.. and i miss the old you, i miss the old us.. i miss our jokes, our goodbyes, our morning, our night.. i know you it better if i go.. i know you're hurting but i'm hurting more than you do.. i'm the one who leave you, you will forget me one day.. but belive me this person who leave you here, won't forget you and will regret her decision for the rest of her life.. i want you to leave me with a good ways not hating me.. because hate is not a good ways to forget people.. stay healthy and study well and be a good businessman and open your own company.. there's a lot of thing i want to tell you but i know.. the more i write the more you will be hurting.. be happy, my brother

Hurt..

Some of you might think that i'm the attention seeker, i keeps confessing through twitter.. why? because i don't know who else can i told my story, can i say my problem.. i only has jason who far away from me.. i can't meet him to told him my problem face by face.. so i always keeps my feelings and problem inside me.. no one know.. all by myself.. and when the day comes, when i can't hide it anymore.. i will let it.. it's the truth that i keep.. do you think having a nice house, having a comfortable life.. means that family is happy? do you really think money bring happiness? it's not for me.. what i want is happy family.. i want to create a good memories with my family as i'm getting older.. but what i get is.. sadness.. i got loved by mom a lot, i'm soo precious to her.. and like that, she keeps treating me like a young child.. i didn't hate it, but sometimes i want her to understand me as a teenagers.. i want attention from dad, his love and his care.. i know he is busy.. but.. why the only thing he want from me is good result, straight A,? is it that important? does he even care my dificulity? no.. "my life is harder than you" i know it, and i'm not asking your sympathy toward me.. i just want you to know who the real me.. 
what i like? whom i love? what i want? what i didn't like? what's my problem? what i didn't eat? 
i hope one day they will know it.. now i'm starting to be more quiet, i also don't know since when i'm starting to be like this..
i wanna get older, i can't wait to get older.. and i have my own reason for it.. my life is soo complicated.. i get trauma easily.. everythings that already happen, i don't want those dark memories replay again, it hurts soo much since i'm young.. i don't have anyone that i could hug as i cry, i don't have anyone that i can release everything in their embrace, i dont have anyone that can hug me right away if i'm feeling sad.. i just have them who give me strenght till the end..
the strenght that always give me a reason to doing my best and continue this life even though it's hard.. the person that i'm comfortable too.. i don't have many people that i comfortable with.. i hope i can get myself away from this depression.. one day.. 

Comeback

and now i'm comeback for a really long time, it's been six month i think, well, hello everybody
i'm very busy and mom told me to less my time to play the laptop.. there's someone asking me before, why i didn't update my blog.. although it's kinda late, yes i'm updating it's now

i'm using this chance to share about my mid-year exam, also fews thing more since it's been a while
so, my grade isn't that good, but i don't failed any subject.. i'm really happy with my number in form..
there's only 15 student pass all the subject in that exam, i think we're already doing our best..
before i got number 16 lol imma soo lazy last year, but now i can get into TOP10.. so this is ma result

well, just spin your laptop or phone to read it =P

congratulation for all my beloved classmate, since you're reading this.. please pray for my succes is PT3 geo and history that starting today and will end this 18/07, also other subject exam in this october ❗❗

i feels soo stress this few weeks.. 

and i have some words to my beloved junior, i'm not going to say her freaking name, well good jobs kiddo, thanks to tell my homeroom teacher about me and him *claps* i don't fucking care about your freaking life and you bothered yourself care about him, hell yeah. you better go and study and get your face out of my sight before i throw you right into the loji kumbahan. kiddo, every kids know you.. how's your attitude, stop pretend in front of teachers.. grrr i can't let out my angry toward her because my friend said better not do that, she's really pissing me off..

jason, i'm sorry, i love you, please don't leave and please don't let our relationship being like this anymore.. i'm also missing you like crazy.. 

maybe that's all for now, actually i'm waiting for iftar right now.. salam ramadhan everyone :)

sorry..

i'm sorry, i'm really really do..
sorry for make you sad, sorry for being the new me..
it's not like that, really it's not like you think..
since that time you treat me coldly, i know you pretend to be okay.. do you know it's hurt? it's hurt when you dont even tell me your problem, i feel useless because it's only me who always lean on you..
i don't want you to leave me.. it's enough with them who i love had leave me..
maybe due to some reason and problem i'm changed.. we also not like usual, right? i also dont want to changed, dont want to pretend anymore.. i'm also dont get myself who still smilling and laugh like usual when with my friends, why? because they never understand me, they might think i'm faking it if i'm sad.. maybe my friends see me as a cheerful and friendly.. haha.. they didn't know i just talk a lot with them.. i didn't mean to ignore you this past few days, i just think that you need a time.. i don't even knoe you had changed your u/n, i just knew it yest.. what do you think about me now? am i same with the people you had know ? 
i don't know you mention me.. it's not like i want to ignore you..
remember i'm always waiting for you like the first we know, i'm always love you like always.. 
you, not 'only someone i know in twitter, my friend because kpoppers'
but you're someone that 'i think real in my real life' 
it's hurt when i see other people can make you laugh when i can't.. maybe i'm selfish.. right?
i'm sorry for everythings.. i'm already answer you now right ? i hope it's not the last one.. remember, i will only leave people i love if they told me too, and if they can be happy without me..

Happy Birthday 911209

wahhhh~! yest is my bias birthday :) #HappyMinho23rdDay !! i have a lot of things i wanna say to him, so one day i'm gonna meet him :) Thanks for coming into my life and makes my day Choi Minho ^_^ Although he not my first bias since i come into K-Pop fandom (the first is King Jonghyun) now he is my first Bias !! SHINee never be SHINee without Our Flaming Charisma Minho ! remember that SHINee World Love You ! i had many beautiful day and moments since i stan you, MinHoney ❤ i hope he will make a twitter acc =,= may you will always succes and happy as an idols now, i know you must having a lot of hardtime but remember that SHINee World always by your side to support you and good luck in everythings :) Oh Je Ro, Choi Min Hyuk, Kang Tae Joon, Kim Seung Woo, Choi Minho, Saranghae.. he is one of my role model ckckckc you and SHINee makes my life colourful.. when i'm having a hard time.. seeing you make me stand up again, although you don't know me.. you give me a lot of strenght and i'm sure that other flames also like me ^_^ we proud of you

i like his competitive and work hard, i loved seeing him serious when it's about sport and work.. don't misunderstood about his competitiveness, it's not like he want to boast that he is talented.. the truth is he was born talented.. stop talking shit about minho, you are not a shawol so you don't even know anything about him.. minho.. the boy who the first to comfort his hyung when they crying, the guy who never forget to mention SHINee World anytime they got an award, he is the one who left behind after every concert and give heart to shawol, a tough guy but he really pure and lovely when he cry, the quiet and carefull in word minho now turned to be talkactive and adorable cute interesting minho.. your face, your laugh, your cuteness, your voice, your talents and everythings about you..  i really really love it.. i promise to always be on your behalf and always support you.. wish you to always happy and stay healthy ! SHINee World Love Choi Minho

SHINee 💎

"SHINee"

today, i'm gonna update about them, the best K-Pop Idols in my life.

MAMA yesterday is bored for me, it's without SHINee, SJ, B1A4, BAP, TEEN TOP, BTOB loll XD

SHINee didn't attend it but i still hoping that SHINee Will win, so it ended up SHINee Won Best Dance Performance and i'm really really proud of that ! and congratulation shawol, we really really did a work hard for SHINee and SHINee also work hard :) we make that #SHINeeIsMissing hashtag trending in some place and it was soo fun playing around :)

'141113' the date i put in my twitter's bio, it was the day SHINee won Artist Of The Year. the day were Minho and Taemin cry for the first time when got an award :) They deserve that award, they really really did a work hard ! btw, this is my though for SHINee Member :)

Minho = Haishh T.T minho really really has a tight schedule, it make flames worried about his healthy.. i just stalk a MINHO's fanpage at FB and lots of picture from that page is minho acted cute and make me wanna keep him in my pocket T.T joking joking :) Minho seem like a tough guy, right ? but when he cry.. he seems very pure and adorable OF COURSE HE IS MY BIAS MUAHAHA

Jonghyun = Jonghyun Jonghyun Jonghyun KING OF TROLLER T.T how can he tweeted he's at home the right time when Shawol trend #SHINeeIsMissing.. he was soo cute and it makes people check his real age again and again :) Do you hear his sobbing at MMA ? it's soo noisy and cute loll Jonghyun looks like a sweet guy, right ? how much he love his mom and noona awww adorable King Jonghyun

Onew = Our Leader Lee JinKi ^_^ ohh, btw its been a while i dont see his sangtae.. my mom really really like onew in SHINee :) Jinki is a humble guy, that bow for everyone although he is senior.. a guy that hide all of his pain and keep smillling.. he is forever a good leader for me and i really really wanna be like him.. i mean his attitude, he respect everyone :) 

Taemin = Lee Taemin or his new name Taeman :) when watching SHINee 2008-2010, Taemin was really cute his face hahaha ^^ so young and like a kid but now hes changed :) he be mature and it's a good thing :) human will grow old haha ^_^ although some time his cuteness came without his knowing :) now we really2 had to think again, who maknae in SHINee XD 

Key = Ohh Kim Kibum you soo adorable day by day in my heart, i love his black hair !!! did you see his room ? LMAO XD i though his room was the clean one because he is Umma XD i think its because of his tight schedule now he dont have mush time for updating his 'Key Shop'.. he cry when talked with his grandma in Barefoot Friends.. ohh he has a pure heart.. he must really2 miss his grandma, right ? diva key

okay finished, are you enjoy reading my blablabla from my heart ? maybe my though is different from other but i really really want to post this so if you hate it just keep calm and love SHINee :) thats only for this early morning-late night :) i will update again tomorrow maybe :) paiipaii

........ ½

yeah... My final exam already ended !! but not a freedom yet, still got PBS T.T hope i will got a good result.. i'm so lazy this year.. seeing people same age as me work really had make myself feel weird LMAO XD i just.. yaaa.. *Miracle is another name for hardwork?* hahaha :) yeah.. myself being really weird right.. last weeks.. it was really really worst.. i keep treat people cold.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. but.. now.. i think its better.. i try not showing my eager or feeling at twitter.. i try to forgive them and think positive.. i'm sorry, really really sorry.. i'm a badgirl right? i'm not a good saeng,friend and daughter for people beside me..
mianhei... last week i keep thinking about stupid things.. hahahahahaa....

dad.. sorry.. if only you read this.. your stubborn daughter here.. say sorry.. i'm lazy to study.. but i really2 want to make you proud again and again.. i love you more than other.. but i hope you can get enough rest.. you always say that you're tired..

and for someoneoneone.. : good luck for spm.. now people know who.. i know you can do it because you are jjang jjang 😃 i.. always want to be a person who always be there for you.. joke with you and hear your problem.. sorry, i'm not a good mei.. i hope you will understand me sometime when my mood weird...