Hurt..

Some of you might think that i'm the attention seeker, i keeps confessing through twitter.. why? because i don't know who else can i told my story, can i say my problem.. i only has jason who far away from me.. i can't meet him to told him my problem face by face.. so i always keeps my feelings and problem inside me.. no one know.. all by myself.. and when the day comes, when i can't hide it anymore.. i will let it.. it's the truth that i keep.. do you think having a nice house, having a comfortable life.. means that family is happy? do you really think money bring happiness? it's not for me.. what i want is happy family.. i want to create a good memories with my family as i'm getting older.. but what i get is.. sadness.. i got loved by mom a lot, i'm soo precious to her.. and like that, she keeps treating me like a young child.. i didn't hate it, but sometimes i want her to understand me as a teenagers.. i want attention from dad, his love and his care.. i know he is busy.. but.. why the only thing he want from me is good result, straight A,? is it that important? does he even care my dificulity? no.. "my life is harder than you" i know it, and i'm not asking your sympathy toward me.. i just want you to know who the real me.. 
what i like? whom i love? what i want? what i didn't like? what's my problem? what i didn't eat? 
i hope one day they will know it.. now i'm starting to be more quiet, i also don't know since when i'm starting to be like this..
i wanna get older, i can't wait to get older.. and i have my own reason for it.. my life is soo complicated.. i get trauma easily.. everythings that already happen, i don't want those dark memories replay again, it hurts soo much since i'm young.. i don't have anyone that i could hug as i cry, i don't have anyone that i can release everything in their embrace, i dont have anyone that can hug me right away if i'm feeling sad.. i just have them who give me strenght till the end..
the strenght that always give me a reason to doing my best and continue this life even though it's hard.. the person that i'm comfortable too.. i don't have many people that i comfortable with.. i hope i can get myself away from this depression.. one day..