The Man That I Loved The Most

Hello everyone :) it's been a long time right ? i guess it's been 10 month since the last time i update my blog. and during that time, may things changed :) i'm sure some of you guys know that i'm not close with someone anymore :) and i'm not going to talk about it. my live has become busier this year and it will be around one more years to finish up school. i'm not that type whom love school much, so i can't wait for not going there. by the way, please wish me a luck for my final exam, starting this 25/10 . i needs to do well so that i can be in the target student for next year hehe :) i couldn't online much because of school but now i'm trying to become more active ^_^ i needs to go to school, extra class, and private tutor but i'm guess everyone is doing the same. if anyone from my twitter reading this, i hope you guys could greet me sometimes, i'm not scary :) i'm really lonely nowadays. and i'm starting to missing someone again. before, i would always thinks that "why did he gone before i couldn't even get to see him" that was what my immature self asking haha. but now that i'm getting older, i'm become thankful and thinking that "he gone before i get to meet him so that we won't meet any memories together, that i won't be that sad when he was gone" . it's my brother, he gone one years before i was born, he is one years older than me. i missed him a lot. i don't have his picture and memories together, i just have the stories that my mom often telling me about how pretty that baby is, my brother. since i don't have any memories, it's not that hard for me. imagine if we live together, growing together, and doing everythings together, because we just one years apart we must be really close together, it will be harder for me ? right ? . but i'm also scared i might forgot about him one day. so that's way at least one a weeks i will remember about him. "if he was here he must studying hard right now" "he might love to disturb me" "we must walking home from school together" . is he protective over me ? or he just act annoyed everytime i'm around him ? is i am going to following him around? will him studying well ? is him a bad student whom used to ditch class?. i'm curious about everythings that someone i would be smilling or crying alone. i'm always praying to god, to let him appear in my dream so that i can see him even once even for just a minutes. in my family, i'm the only one that didn't get to meet him, it's not fair hehe :) i miss you a lot. today, i went to the beach with my sis and mother, and i saw this girl around my age, she was walking with her dad and holding his hands. i'm just feelings sad suddenly and i'm teared up my eyes but i didn't show it toward my mother. it makes me thinks, i just get to holding my dad hand while walking waybe only 2/3 times a years. i admit that i was jealous toward that girl. i wanted to do the same. everytime i asked dad to go out, he will refuse saying that he busy, he has work to do, he was tired. i guess he didn't know that he always making me hurting. i'm the youngest of my family, of course i was a bit pampered, but it was just from my mom. i'm grateful that dad was working hard toward this family, dad giving us a wealthy life, a good house for us, i'm always grateful. but i don't want growing up with thinking that i didn't receive much love from my dad. i guess in my lifetime, i've never went to the vacation with my dad. i love dad a lot and i hope he would never make me cry again. so i guess i need to finish this up since my teddy bears is soaked with water*it was raining:'(* goodnight and have a good life everyone :) stay strong whenever god give you a test ^^